Why won't the world stop for my loss?

Have you ever lost someone and felt like your world abruptly stopped, only to look out the window and see thousands of strangers passing by whose worlds were still moving right along? You find your loss temporarily paralyzing and expect the world to stop with you.  How can they keep going when someone so important has just left this earth and our lives? 


If you have ever felt this way, please...let your world stop for a few moments, grab a cup of something warm and let me tell you about my Uncle Vino; the man so many lost on Sunday, November 7th...the man we said goodbye to on ,November 11th.  Sit back and read. If you didn't know him I am sure you will wish you had...


I walked into the funeral home expecting it to be semi empty as the ceremony would not start for another half hour.  Instead the room was almost filled.  My cousins sat at the front close to the casket that held my Uncle.  Even in death he commanded the room.  You could almost smell the light fragrance of love,respect and sorrow that floated through the air that morning.  My mind was racing...should my small children enter the room with me?  How can I be supportive to my Dad who just lost his big brother?  How will I keep myself from crying?  The boys, Uncle Vino's three sons, shouldn't feel the need to comfort me, it's my job to comfort them.  Will I have the chance to speak?  Will my husband, Chip, handle my two year old son if he gets bored, loud, or cranky?  More than anything I selfishly wanted twenty minutes alone in that room to speak to my uncle one last time; time to allow the reality of the situation to take hold of me.  But that was not to be.  Even now reality is still chasing me.  As I sat down my memories of him came flooding back like my own private movie and I found myself smiling.  However as I watched my father walk up to the casket and kiss his big brother good bye, as he embraced his nephews and sobbed, as I saw sorrow personified on each of his son's faces and the crying of many others entered my ears the smile ran away from my face.


The funeral began with the customary scripture reading, prayer and hymns.  As the pastor prayed I watched my oldest cousin Virgil stare intently at his father with sorrow never once closing his eyes, never once removing his eyes from his father.  My heart ached so much for him that I literally felt pain in my chest and stomach.  I couldn't get air to fill my lungs as I held back the sobs that wanted so badly to escape my body.  But my seven year old daughter and six year old niece were sitting next to me and it was my job to stay composed and  not add to the confusion that already surrounded their little worlds. 

As the rituals continued the time drew near for those who loved uncle Vino to speak, and there were many.  I prayed that I would have the chance to approach the mic...to let everyone know how I felt about this great man.  And my prayers were answered.  As nieces and nephews got up and spoke, as his sons and his brother bravely shared, it was apparent that my uncle had a gift.  The gift to make others aware of their value.  Story after story of his patience and kindness filled the room.  My cousin Amil talked about how Uncle Vino taught him how to drive,and how he would wait for my Uncle to fall asleep so he could take the car for a joy ride!  My cousin Anita spoke of the personal conversations she had with my Uncle; conversations where he would tell her how she was the daughter he never had.  My father spoke about his big brother's patience when teaching Dad to ride a bike and of their last conversation where Dad encouraged Uncle Vino to write a book about his life.  Virgil, his oldest son could not speak...so he got up and pointed to the audience saying, "you are the pages of the book that was never written".  Adi, his middle son spoke of Uncle Vino's love for him and his pride in the fact that Adi chose to go into the ministry and made bringing others to Christ his life's work.  Neil, the baby, spoke of his humbleness...for all of his worldly accomplishments and credentials he would still wash the dishes in Neil's sink early in the morning, quietly, so as not to wake his sleeping son. 


When my turn came nothing that I wanted to say came out.  Truth be told I have no idea what I said. 
But here is what I would have liked to say...


My uncle was a great man with a list of accomplishments a mile long.  But he would let anyone know that his three sons who were his life, were his greatest accomplishment.  He was an amazing husband who adored his wife and never really got over her untimely death in the late 80's.  He was a stern but loving brother and uncle...and he reminded me of a tougher version of my Dad.  My Papa Das, Dad and Vino's father, died when I was quite young.  So I sort of viewed Uncle Vino as my grandpa.  And he fit the role comfortably.


One of my earliest memories of Uncle Vino was in the 1970's.  I was a young child and had been ill for a few days when my uncle came to visit.  My father had spent a great deal of time peeling grapes and feeding them to me to keep me nourished.  He peeled each grape because they were red and I would only eat green grapes.  He painstakingly peeled grapes because I loved them and he knew they would keep me hydrated as I refused to drink much.  My uncle  came into my room and saw how tired my dad was and told me I needed fresh air.  After traveling a long way to visit he spent the next hour carrying me through the neighborhood, making sure I had enough fresh air and my dad had a break, not once putting himself first.  Uncle Vino continued to be a part of mine and my sisters lives, attending both of our weddings and making sure he communicated with us shortly after each of our kids were born.  Shortly after we always received a baby gift in the mail.  But the real gift was his thoughtfulness and communication. 


I feel guilty for not calling him as often as I could have when I had the chance. But the times that I did call him or he called me, those times are mine; those times are precious gifts that I treasure, cherish and remember fondly.  I will share a few of those with you, just to continue showing you how great he was.


When my sister got married there was some sort of misunderstanding between my Dad and my uncle.  My sister got caught in the cross hairs as my uncle and cousins decided not to show up to her reception.  It was hurtful to her and if you know me at all hurting my sister is unacceptable.  I called to let my uncle know that his male Pakistani pride had caused my sister pain and I was not okay with that.  I used a few choice colorful words that were definitely NOT a part of his vocabulary and admittedly disrespectful.  Did he cut me off after that?  No.  Did he let me know what I did was wrong?  No to that as well.  He had enough faith in me to know that I would beat myself up about it.  And when I did call to apologize, he accepted and quickly moved the conversation on, wanting to know how I was and what was going on in my life.  I have used that example of forgiveness in my own life many times.  Recently, we spoke again about my life and the direction it was taking.  It was an honour to hear that he was proud of me for turning away from a financially stable and worldly prestigious job to work at my church promoting Jesus Christ by helping others to know Him.  Again, what an honour to have Dr. Vincent A. Das proud of me...


My uncle had a potent passion for those that he loved.  I don't believe that man ever met a stranger and it showed.  From his family to his friends to his students and others, if he loved you he loved you with all of his might.  I think the most important thing I can tell you about him is that he had a passion for Jesus Christ and for showing Christ's love to others.  That was his way of introducing you to Jesus and I know he was the reason for the faith of many.  You were blessed if you knew him, and if you didn't but you know Christ you will be blessed to meet him one day. 


If you didn't know him or Christ, it's too late to know my uncle on this side of heaven.  But in the interest of promoting his legacy I would love to introduce you to Christ.  As long as you are breathing it's never to late to know Him.


Thank you for taking the time to let me show you a bit of my uncle.  I have not told you nearly enough and I have just typed out my thoughts in no particular order.  I pray that my love shows through and that my words do him justice. 


Vincent Das is definitely a square in the quilt of my life.